My apologies in advance, this is going to be rather angsty. My life is all out of order. I screwed up by taking calculus last semester. My grade in that one class ruined my GPA, and as it turns out, possibly my life as I know it. Now, I know that's an exaggeration, but there is some truth to it. I have to pull my GPA up to a 3.3 by the end of this semester. If I fail to do so, I lose my academic scholarship and my instate tuition. Then it's back to Ohio for Miss Kasia. I was really starting to get my hopes up about next year here. I don't know how to break it to Erin and Michelle that my parents refuse to cosign the lease. I'm really worried about them not being able to find a third and fourth roommate. Also, I'm really sad about not living with them in that house. My mom says I'm not mature enough to handle living in a house until my junior year. Bull.
So now I need to start seriously looking for another college. Ohio public universities include UC, OSU, BGSU, OU, UT, ONU, Kent State, and Wright State. I really want a small school. UK has somewhere around 30,000 students. I am completely lost here, and I hate it. I feel like I would be able to make more friends at a much smaller school. Also, I don't want to go up north. I found out that I hate the cold and I really think I get seasonally depressed. So I need somewhere sunny, or at least not arctic. I have some serious shopping to do if I'm going to find an out of state school with low tuition, small student body, and decent weather. I can't even explain how jealous I am of everyone who can afford to go wherever they want, and those who know what they want to do with their lives. I am obviously neither of those.
I feel like the only constants I have in my life are Kelsey and Craig. Which is why I'm terrified that Craig will be accepted for the internship in Buffalo and not the one in Cincinnati. It's not that I'm dependent on him, but in all likelihood, I would be very unhappy surviving a whole summer without him. I have to find a job I like this summer too. I'm looking at jobs at Bethesda North Hospital, Borders, any bead store, or ideally, any stable or boarding farm. I should invest in some classifieds. Basically, I can't wait to go to Florida and forget the world.
Mood of the day: "Forget it, there's nothing left to lose but my mind and all the things I wanted."
Kasia
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